Blogcircles at Datafall:
All Blogcircles
Joe Mathlete vs. The Internet | Platformers community | COMPLETE BULLSHIT
Joe Mathlete vs. The Internet | Platformers community | COMPLETE BULLSHIT
Not logged in
Click here for instructions on how to embed "Joe Mathlete vs. The Internet blogcircle" into an external webpage.
"Totally not accepting orders for at least the next few weeks, on account of things"
From here:
•
"Nick and Elly sit at a Jandek concert, pondering his genius"
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
"Where's Waldo? In 'Hell" by Hieronymous Bosch"
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
"Joe Mathlete Takes a Year to Draw An Index Card"
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
And... I think that's it
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
"Joe Mathlete being my boyfriend"
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
"A polar bear beating Bill's ass while Payne eats a popsicle"
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
"Patrick Swayze Riding a Unicorn with Sam Elliot (Moustached Sam Elliot)"
by Joe Mathlete
•
"a Oaxacan cockfight"
by Joe Mathlete
•
"George the bad cat being very bad"
by Joe Mathlete
in 500 words or less
From here:
•
My Thoughts on the Marmaduke Movie; or, My Life in the Bush of Marmaduke; or, How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Hating Marmaduke
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
A bright and shiny future
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
20th Century Fox Film Corporation is an asshole
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
This bears mentioning
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
Marmaduke Explained running every Monday Wednesday and Friday
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
Marmaduke Explained lives.
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
29-95.com - a few words about a thing/future of Marmaduke Explained
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
(No title)
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
(No title)
by noreply@blogger.com (Joe Mathlete)
•
01/26/12 : Roxy: Break some glass.
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/26/12 : Roxy: Clear some space.
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/26/12 : Roxy: Break bottle.
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/26/12 : Roxy: Retrieve mutant kitten.
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/25/12 : Roxy: Take cat.
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/25/12 : ==>
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/25/12 : Roxy: Take book.
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/25/12 : ==>
at
MS Paint Adventures
•
01/25/12 : ==>
at
MS Paint Adventures
Page 1 of 8 >>
On my way from my car to go see a couple of bands play at a bar I notice a couple walking on the sidewalk about a half block away from me, a man and a woman, both dressed reasonably nice. The woman is talking loudly and angrily and having trouble walking in a straight line; the man is doing his best to steady the woman.
I cross to the other side of the street and keep walking.
As I get closer I can see the woman is not just drunk, but extraordinarily, famously drunk - frat party drunk, comatose drunk, vomit-at-any-minute drunk. Sick drunk. She seems to be struggling weakly against both gravity and her companion, who does not seem inebriated whatsoever, and moreso than that seems to be doing his best to shut her up and hustle her into the apartment complex they're now standing in front of.
It's not quite ten PM, central standard time, on a Saturday night.
The woman is clearly angry at the man, and clearly not used to being this wasted. The man, on the other hand, seems every bit as calm and collected as the woman is upset and disoriented. He also looks about ten or fifteen years older than the her, now that I've got a better look. The woman is yelling at him now, pushing at him. She takes a swing at him with her purse, misses, and falls squat on her ass.
I've had friends who've been drugged at clubs or bars. It's awful. When she fell onto the pavement like that I had to stop walking.
"Hey! Is everything okay?"
The guy looks up while attempting to help the woman off the ground. He seems more agitated now. "Yeah, we're fine."
The woman has been yell-muttering unintelligibly this whole time. She does not like being helped up. "She's just drunk is all," the man says. The woman starts protesting semi-coherently.
I'm bad at confrontation and I'm good at minding my own business but at that moment I was beyond pissed off at the guy. He went on a date with some girl, doped her up, and now he's trying to hustle her into his apartment before she passes out. At that moment he was everyone who's ever taken advantage of anyone else.
I raised my voice. "It's not even ten o'clock. Who gets this drunk at ten o'clock?"
He sighed a little bit. "My wife."
She steadied herself on his shoulder and yelled across the street to me "It's because I'm a Republican and he's a Democrat!"
I smiled and wished them a good evening, told them to take care. I continued on to the bar, grateful for the happy ending. I felt like shit.
To paraphrase Stephen Sondheim: Hollywood used to be a breeding ground; now it is a receptacle.
Sondheim was originally talking about Broadway. At least I think he was; I can’t find any proof that he actually ever said that. Whatever, it’s a good quote. Broadway, formerly a bastion of American artistic innovation, is currently the home of Legally Blonde 2: The Musical 2, the sequel to a musical based on the film Legally Blonde 2.
Look what movies are coming out this summer: Sex and the City 2 (sequel to a movie based on a TV show based on a book based on newspaper articles), Iron Man 2 (sequel to a movie based on a 2nd-tier comic book), Jonah Hex (based on a 5th-tier comic book), The A-Team (based on a campy 80s TV action show), Macgruber (based on a series of TV comedy skits based on a campy 80s TV action show) Robin Hood (beyond being basically a Bible story in terms of freshness, it’s also for all intents and purposes a sequel to the film Gladiator), Step Up 3D (sequel to a sequel… in 3D!), Toy Story 3 (sequel to a sequel… in 3D!), Shrek Forever (sequel to the sequel to the sequel to a movie based on fairy tales and fart jokes), Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (based on the sequel to a computer game), The Karate Kid (remake of an 80s movie that spawned several sequels, starring the sequel to Will Smith), Ramona and Beezuz (based on children’s books which have already inspired filmic adaptations), The Last Airbender (based on an animated TV series), Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (based on a graphic novel), Nanny McPhee Returns (sequel to a movie based on a series of books), Piranha 3D (remake of a movie that was based on ripping off Jaws), Predators (you know, like the movie Predator, but plural!), Dinner for Schmucks (remake of a French film from a decade ago), Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (sequel to a movie called Cats and Dogs that I’d never heard of until I Googled it so I could write this). That’s not counting films whose plots are just lazy retreads of previous films. And that’s also not counting the Marmaduke movie.
I will say this right now: if there exists a finer metaphor for the creative bankruptcy of the Hollywood film system than a movie based on a half-century old comic strip that has been recycling the same five gags since blacks and whites had separate drinking fountains, I cannot imagine it.
I will also say this: I wish people would stop asking me about it.
Click these words to read the rest of this post.
Thanks in part to Hollywood's refusal to pass up a terrible, terrible idea (see previous post), this is shaping up to be a busy year for me. I've got a couple of announcements I'm not quite ready to announce yet, but in the meantime didja notice the slick new layout we put together for the new Marmaduke Explained archives over at 29-95.com? It's now much easier to navigate, and I'm working towards getting the previous installments posted there as well. Can't you already feel how much life is already improved? Food tastes better, music sounds better, laughter comes from the heart.
If you've got some perverse loyalty to Blogger.com (who, to be fair, have been very very good to me) and have yet to check out the new stuff, you're missing scads of important water cooler moments such as
"Marmaduke is afraid of vacuum cleaners because he is a dog and all dogs are afraid of vacuum cleaners"
and
"Marmaduke expressed his anal glands on some throw pillows to indicate which couch his owner-couple should purchase"
and
"Marmaduke is cosplaying as Natasha Henstridge's character in Species"
and
"Marmaduke writer/creator Brad Anderson is like totally tripping"
and
an emo joke at least four years past its expiration date.
I draw cartoons, too - yellow ones about dating and green ones about everything except dating. Why yes, they ARE highly derivative of the Far Side! Thank you for noticing.
The future: so bright it stings.
Hit me with all you've got, Owen Wilson. I will keep fighting the good fight.
I'm still explaining Marmaduke, quite regularly. Today this happened and I figured I ought to share.
Here's a link to the new Marmaduke Explained archive again, and here's a way to find a lot of the other stuff I'm writing at 29-95.com. Also you can just google "Joe Mathlete" any old time you want and see what pops up. I've done it before, it's neat. You should try it with your own name, too.
For the time being at least. On 29-95.com, a website on the internet. Check 'em out at http://29-95.com/timesuck; if you click on the tag ("Marmaduke Explained") on any given post you can get to all the previous ones pretty easily.
I've only been doing them a few weeks there and already I've hit my first "just a bunch of all-caps swearing at Brad Anderson" wall. C'est la 'duke.
It's right here. I've only been doing haiku so far and I think I'm going to be able to stick with it. Feel free to be my Twitterbuddy or however that works.
I am Twitterbuddies with Slim Thug, it's awesome. He doesn't want to take blood pressure medicine because he won't be able to get an erection. This is a fact that I know.
Also totally do go to www.29-95.com/timesuck to see things I do.
(side note: if you would describe yourself as "into Twitter" without being prompted, no offense but we would probably not hang out as I still don't get what it's about and in a lot of ways I am weird about the internet to begin with)
The Art Car Parade is an annual event here in town where people who drive Art Cars come from all over the country and close down streets I usually drive on and a lot of years I forget about it until I have somewhere to go and I see all these orange cones and I go "shit, it's this thing again." I have been before and it's pretty neat, though; people from all over the country who drive Art Cars (which can range from cars meticulously decorated to look like things like sharks or tanks or cockroaches to just cars with a bunch of random shit glued to them for no good reason) come to my town and go crazy for several days, and it culminates in a big parade on Saturday.
I have been set up with a little booth where I'm drawing pictures for people, taking requests like with the thing I used to do with index cards. It should be a lot of fun. Come say hi if you live where I live and are going to be at the parade and I'll draw you something silly.
In other news, Funniest British and/or Jewish Comedy and/or Music Trios Week continues for some reason on 29-95.com. Finalists include The Beastie Boys, the crew from the Ricky Gervais Podcast, Yo La Tengo, Stella, and The Police (that one should be up sometime later today).
Lookit lookit lookit the first post over here at 29-95.com. I'm totally doing these on a regular basis again. They've got RSS feeds and other web two point oh things I honest to god still don't understand, if that makes it easier on you. Also, like I said in my last post I'm writing other stuff (this week is Funniest British and/or Jewish Comedy and/or Music Trios Week, for some reason. I'm also reviewing The Godfather Part III - again, for some reason).
A bunch of stuff by a bunch of people writing about stuff, first of all. If you were specifically interested in stuff I was doing:
First of all: 29-95.com. BUT: Maybe more importantly:
Marmaduke's owner-man can justify it however he wants, but there is only one explanation: he lets Marmaduke dig because he is a big pussy.
Marmaduke tipped a cab driver with a bone. But presumably he paid the actual fare with cash, which honestly seems much weirder to me...
Sometimes I find myself thinking about these things for too long and it's never good for my health.
Marmaduke creator Brad Anderson has a dim awareness that something significant is going on in the news lately with economics, and he might as well try to write a comic strip about it.
Side note - I have a big announcement to make soon. Really!
Marmaduke is so big and humongous, it would take a whole entire tow truck just to pull him off the sofa!
Marmaduke is about to sodomize a banker into signing his owner-man's loan papers.
And yes, before I get any emails, Marmaduke will probably eat the banker after he sodomizes him. What else would he do?
Marmaduke vomited the contents of a child's toybox and a couple of femurs onto an old lady.
Taaaaaaaake... Onnnnnn... Meeeeeee...
